Yesterday was a bad day from the moment I opened my eyes up until I allowed my wife to coax me into going to celebrate her brother’s birthday over dinner last night.
I’m glad I caved because we had a great time and it was good to see her family (we almost never see any of them). Not to mention, her other brother treated us all to some really good hibatchi. LOL
So, what’s wrong with Jess, you ask? Not sure I’m ready to talk about it here just yet, but its heavy. Life has just been a lot to deal with lately and I’m pretty overwhelmed.
I do have some good news to report though. A while back (can’t link to it now because I can’t access my blog from work) I announced that my new name would be Jesse Aaron. Well, after trying it on for a while I realized it just wasn’t the name for me. It didn’t feel natural to say and I had no connection to the name Aaron personally. I also had issue with the name Jesse but since I still really want to be called Jess for short and all other names starting with “Jes” (Jestin, Jessen etc) just didn’t seem to fit since I like more traditional names. So, after lots of thought, discussions with friends and family and especially Tina who is abt tired of hearing “what about the name _____”, I’ve made a decision.
I’ve always liked the name Andrew. My grandpa’s name is Andre and my Grandma wasn’t french (like him) and couldn’t get the accent right, so she always called him Andrew (or Drew for short). Tina pointed out to me that it would be a tribute to both of them to use Andrew as a middle name. So, here I am Jesse Andrew. Tada! And it works, it feels natural to say it, write it and see it spelled out.
Hopefully within the next few weeks I can submit the official paperwork to the court and get it changed once and for all! Yay! I’d also like to have my gender marker changed on my drivers license and in CT all I’d need is a letter from my therapist and the name change paperwork so I may do that. Or, I may wait until I have top surgery. There are pros and cons to waiting and I need to figure out what the safest/most responsible way to go about it would be.
What else? There will be no hysterectomy. At least not covered by insurance and not any time soon. That really contributed to my recent depressed state of mind. I wanted it. I went through a laparoscopy procedure and used PTO from work. I have bills resulting from it that need to be paid. I did it for nothing because nothing was found in me that would make the hysterectomy medically necessary. my Dr. is actually meeting with some folks at the hospital to see if there is any other way to go about it, but my hopes aren’t up because it seems like it’s not going to happen until I can afford to pay cash. Ther surgery I’d have would be triple what my top surgery costs. Yeah, not happening.
As far as changes go, I’m getting hairier by the minute, I swear. I’m going to be a gorilla when all is said and done. I’m also breaking out in odd places, my neck, back and chest. Even on my thighs. I had blood work this morning for a follow up appt with my Endocrinologist on Tuesday, so I’ll find out if maybe my T level is too high and if I need to decrease or go from injecting weekly to every 10 days or so. We’ll see.
This blog has been helpful for me throughout my transition so far and for years prior to it. I should have known that as soon as I decided I had nothing to say that I’d become full of things to post about.
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11/09/2009 at 11:09 am Permalink
whoa, whiplash! seriously, so glad to see this post. life is tough but it’s easier knowing were in it together & can talk about it all.
11/09/2009 at 11:30 am Permalink
Welcome back.
Go ahead lay the heavy stuff on us.. its the internet – it can handle the weight. Of course if it crashes we’re blaming you.
Sorry about the surgery – I know you were psyched about it and it has to be a big let down. *hugs*…. from a respectable distance I don’t want Tina kicking my ass
11/09/2009 at 11:56 am Permalink
“especially Tina who is abt tired of hearing “what about the name _____”, I’ve made a decision. ”
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA — funny because it’s true. LOL
No worries CAB, hug away. The world needs more of them.
But baby, if you get the “wiggles” we’re gonna be fightin’.
I love you so much Jesse Andrew. And soon I will be joining you in the name changing arena.
And. I. Am. Just. As. Excited.
12/09/2009 at 11:05 am Permalink
I really like your new name!
15/09/2009 at 3:32 pm Permalink
I love the name!
Jesse Andrew.
That’s hot.
You and Tina are the best. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY – it’s tomorrow, right?
Thanks for stopping by my blog and giving me some birthday love yesterday!
16/09/2009 at 9:27 am Permalink
Happy, happy birthday, Jesse Andrew!
16/09/2009 at 9:57 am Permalink
Happy Birthday Jesse! fimg XX
16/09/2009 at 10:14 am Permalink
Happy Birthday Jesse!! We hope you enjoy your day but, don’t eat to much cake and wreck that physique! Oh, and the ‘Happy Birthday- singing’ that comes with this day? Good luck on that! haha
16/09/2009 at 10:38 am Permalink
Happy B-day, Jess! Great picture of you and Tina on her blog this morning. You both look happy… yay!
16/09/2009 at 10:57 am Permalink
Love the name and the meaning behind it. Jesse Andrew sounds awesome.
And a cute little birdie said it’s a special day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have a great day.
16/09/2009 at 11:11 am Permalink
Happy Birthday!!!
16/09/2009 at 11:14 am Permalink
Happy birthday !!!!
17/09/2009 at 5:40 am Permalink
Happy belated Birthday Jesse! Hope you had a great day yesterday.
18/09/2009 at 1:15 am Permalink
I like the name. It’s solid, and seems to suit you (from what I know, anyway).
Sorry to hear about the surgery setback. Perhaps another window will open up. Sounds like your doc is a good advocate for you, so that’s a plus.
27/09/2009 at 2:19 am Permalink
Need I mention I love the name? Happy birthday, bro.