Most of you know that back in Feb of 2007, I had breast reduction surgery in order to feel more at peace in my own skin and also to help me physically since all my old chest ever did as cause me angst and pain. I had made the mistake of thinking that if my breasts were “small” and easier to hide and carry, that I wouldn’t be so uncomfortable having them. I also opted for breast reduction rather than top surgery because my insurance would only cover the reduction as it was considered to be “medically necessary”.
I was much happier immediately after surgery, I felt lighter. I felt much more comfortable after the recovery, but I wasn’t really happy with the outcome. My doctor must have thought I would like to have tiny perky round tits, even though I had made it abundantly clear that I wanted as small and flat of a chest as possible. I even gave him pics of what I’d like to look like. I’d asked for an “A or a B” but got closer to a “C”. I was excited at first because I thought what I was seeign was all swelling. If so, I’m still swollen.
My goal was to be able to go around in only an understirt with nothing underneath. I didn’t want to have to bind or hide anymore. I still have to though.
It looks like my surgery, medication, recovery and follow up appointments will end up costing between 6 – 10K depending on whether I need to travel to the surgeon and recover in a hotel which seems likely. I am waiting to hear back from the first surgeon on my list with an official estimate.
Either way, we just don’t have the money. According to what I’ve figured that we can afford to save It would be 2-3 years before I could save enough to have the surgery and the idea of waiting that long is depressing at the very least.
I’d like to work for these donations, and I’m trying to think up something really fun and enticing so that my pride doesn’t get too banged up from my shameless begging, but I’m pretty lacking in the creativity department. In the meantime, I promise that I will blog as often as I can.
Got any ideas?
I am also toying with the idea of throwing a top surgery fund raising party when the weather gets warmer. Maybe even a big BBQ at the beach or something, but I honestly wouldn’t know what to charge for tickets or how to make that work. I’ll need to give that one some thought.
I’d be grateful if you would help me spread the word around by sharing this entry with your friends. I’d be even more grateful if you would donate whatever you can afford to my surgery fund by clicking on the link in my sidebar or at the bottom of my rss feeds.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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20/01/2009 at 6:48 pm Permalink
jess, my friend. asking for help & accepting it has got to be one of the hardest things to do ever. i'm proud of you for writing this entry. and if you decide to throw a fundraising party, put us down for the first two tickets, ok?
20/01/2009 at 7:01 pm Permalink
One of the hardest ever is right. I am honestly on the fence about whether or not I should delete this entry.
I sure do hope you’d both be there
20/01/2009 at 8:12 pm Permalink
I am so proud of you!! This gave me chills b/c I know that asking for help is so hard & as friend, there is nothing more I want than to help you. Of course I'll spread the word & like Leo & FG, we'll be there for you too.
20/01/2009 at 8:37 pm Permalink
I feel your pain. I had reduction surgery 10 years ago and I also wish that I had turned out smaller. It’s the whole patriarchal view of what a woman should look like. I guess it must be hard for many people to think a woman would actually not want any breasts at all considering that’s how we’re valued as people.
But, I am still very happy with my outcome because I can fit into a regular sized bra. That was the one criterion I gave the doctor.
Anyway, good luck. May I suggest a DeBoob Bake Sale.
20/01/2009 at 8:57 pm Permalink
I wish I had some answers. It’s a dilemma faced by a lot of transpeople.
Way back during the first Ice Age (1990s) when I had my M2F reassignment surgery, I ended up getting a loan ($15K) from a bank. It was tough making the payments, but I did it. Not that they could repossess my new parts if I didn’t pay.
I think a party is a great idea, so is asking for donations.
And before you start beating yourself up, remember you didn’t ask to be transgender any more than some asks to have multiple sclerosis. It was something we were born with and unfortunately, the world is as supportive as we might like.
Do what you can to make the changes you feel are appropriate. But at the same time, don’t let your body dictate your happiness.
I wish I were 20 years younger and 60 lbs lighter. I can do something about the weight, but nothing about the fact that I’m now 42. I can choose to be miserable or I can accept that this is where I am.
The Serenity Prayer helps a lot with this. We ask for serenity to accept what we can’t change, courage to change what we can’t and the wisdom to know which is which. That’s all anyone can do.
You have a wife who loves you, Jess. And you have friends across the globe, many you’ve never met, who are unafraid to say they love you, too. I count myself as one.
Trust the process. You have a right to be happy. Exercise that right.
Peace,
Dharma
20/01/2009 at 9:00 pm Permalink
I should really proof my writing before I hit send. There are some obvious typos in my post above.
The world ISN’T as supportive as we like. And we ask for courage to change the things we CAN change.
Dain bramage!
20/01/2009 at 10:17 pm Permalink
you know, perhaps there’s another way. i was just checking my gmail, and one of the sidebar ads had a link which promised to help me “find gender change in hundreds of catalogues”. so, you know, maybe you could mail order it?
just kidding. don’t delete this. we’re here for you, and we know you’re here for us, too.
20/01/2009 at 10:32 pm Permalink
Jess –
You really made me think on this post about a lot of things. I’ll send you an email on the details.
21/01/2009 at 4:16 am Permalink
Jess…If you decide to go the fund-raising route you can count me in for the paltry sum I can afford.
Secondly, have you checked into surgery in SE Asia? Thailand has a really good hospital that caters to almost any surgery. A friend went there to have her face done after an accident & it cost her less than $4k counting flights & all. Worth checking into.
Hannaford Supermarkets have been offering to fund their employee's joint replacements & other procedures in Singapore as it's less expensive for them:)
21/01/2009 at 3:47 pm Permalink
It’s not easy to ask for help, but it’s a great thing to do, to allow the people who love and care for you to have an opportunity to help. I’ll do what I can from a distance.. good luck.
21/01/2009 at 11:01 pm Permalink
Jess,
I’m late….as usual reading this. I agree, it is terribly hard to ask for help but glad you were brave enough to do so. I am going to do some research; I’m sure you have already done it but, I would like to see if I can find something that would be of assistance. We had a person at my church that just had the surgery about two months ago. I don’t know where he went for the breast removal or how he did it. Maybe I should get a case of the braves and ask.
21/01/2009 at 11:39 pm Permalink
There’s a community over at Livejournal you may want to check out: FTM Forum.
They seem to be pretty active there and they may have ideas for fundraising etc.
22/01/2009 at 8:15 pm Permalink
Let me know what I can do from NOLA, cause I support you with everything I have ! And like EB I’m a killer baker, so I love the Deboob bake/fugde sale.
I will say a little prayer for you cause I know this is so hard to open yourself to all of this.
23/01/2009 at 2:38 pm Permalink
Bake sale? I can’t turn down brownies or cookies, you know!
If you ever feel like going to the Gender Identity Project Group at the center in the city, let me know. I went once and it was cool. There was good representation of genderqueers and some were saving up money to have top surgery.
28/01/2009 at 1:55 am Permalink
Jess- I posted this to my twitter- I have alot ( ok ok like 6!) of GLBT connections on there.
Dont delete this- keep it up- its important to who you are ( or who you would like to be) and that makes it important to those who support you!
Keep your head up no matter how long it takes. You have lots- you have a lovely wife and kids who love you the way you are right now- they wont mind if it takes a little bit of time to reach your vision of who you’d like to be.
shit. i shouldn’t blog at 1 am… sorry if it was preachy or weird. I’m trying to be very zen
28/01/2009 at 2:12 am Permalink
I emailed you…so check that and get back to me if I can be of any help at all!!
29/01/2009 at 2:23 pm Permalink
Oh, I’m so late.
Jess, we’ll be there.
01/02/2009 at 11:41 pm Permalink
How courageous you are to post this. My prayers and support are with you.
25/02/2009 at 9:59 am Permalink
If I had a job right now, I would so give you some $$. But I am going to put my thinking cap on and see if I can come up w/ any creative solutions. I’ll get back to you soon…
xoxo
25/02/2009 at 12:56 pm Permalink
Hi Jess – I’ve linked to your blog before, via Janet, and I was so touched by your story that I’d like to link to it from my blog tomorrow, if that is fine with you.
You’ve got courage in abundance, and it is a joy to respond and help a fellow traveler. Kudos to you for taking the steps necessary to live a life wholly and completely!
25/02/2009 at 1:02 pm Permalink
Thank you so much, everyone. Wow.
TaraDharma, it’s definitely ok with me if you link to this post. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’d like to read your blog too, but your name doesn’t link to anything..
-Jess