Please keep all biased and negative opinions to yourselves. Unbiased and supportive opinions are welcome, however.
First let me start off by saying that I love my wife. If I was the only person on this earth and I could have one person live here with me, it would be Tina. I truly feel like Tina and I were made for each other. The reasons are far too many to list, and there is not one certain explanation to my feelings for her, my feelings just are. I am loyal, I am faithful. I am always there for her emotionally and physically. I find her to be beautiful, smart and extremely sexy. She makes me laugh, she’s cuddly, there really isn’t anything more in a woman that I could want or need.
So far, the step-parenting thing hasn’t been going well at all. I get anxious and then upset when things in the house aren’t as they should be. I feel that they are both old enough to do their fair share in the house, which they do not do. The wife tends to be extremely easy going and forgiving with the kids when they do things that are out of line. I tend to think that more discipline is needed and I’m not as forgiving or easy-going. If I feel that the wife was too easy on them, I get upset and take it out on everyone. Who am I to say? I am an adult who lives in the house, is married to their mother and contributes 100% of my pay to our household. I am their step-parent, like it or not. I’m not a temporary partner, I bought the cow. I intend of being right where I’m at for the rest of my life.
When a kid is disrespectful, it’s frustrating. I don’t like it and refuse to tolerate it. So I get angry. I turn into the grumpiest man in the world, start spewing stuff out of my mouth until I get the results I’m after. I have a very short fuse, even for things someone else might think are small. VERY short. Same as my male role-model. My grandfather. I love my grandfather like he is my father. He could be mean as hell, was mean as hell to me and my siblings, old school style but he got the respect he demanded and everyone in the family loves him, sincerely. I do not like that I automatically deal with things this way, but I also do not know how to change. I don’t like making my family miserable. I don’t like being miserable in return. How can I get respect I feel I deserve without getting so damn angry and blowing up? Anything and everything J does that I think is inappropriate sets me off. It sets me off to the point of seriously wanting to run away and hide from life. Lately I’ve been feeling a lot of tension with K. I think it’s possibly over-flow from how angry I’ve been with J. I also think that K senses that the wife and I are having issues because of it, so she’s been reflecting negativity my way.
I don’t know if there’s a way to fix this, to fix me, to fix our family, or if it’s too far gone now to save. We’ve only been married 11 months. I feel like this is tearing us apart. I miss my wife. I miss our happiness. It comes in very short spurts, but I haven’t seen the real deal in a while now.
Thanksgiving is coming and last night K said that she’s not coming with the wife and me to my family’s house, she’s going to spend it with Tina’s ex’s family instead because she doesn’t really know my family. That hurts. I feel like the kids should be where their mother is and aren’t going to be because she’ll be at my family’s house. The reason is because she doesn’t know them. She’s never attempted to get to know them. It’s been two years. J goes wherever she goes, so there’s that. Christmas Eve we all separate because my family celebrates Christmas on the Eve and so does wife’s . That’s something that we’ve understood from day one. Christmas day, we open gifts together and the kids go to Tina’s ex’s house for Christmas dinner. Am I wrong for feeling like there’s something wrong here? There’s not one holiday that we’ll have dinner together. I have a problem with that. I’m not welcome at Tina’s family’s holiday dinner. They are all welcome at my family’s. I don’t know why but this really bothers me.
This doesn’t scream family to me.
I have almost completely lost my patience when I had too much patience coming into this relationship. I don’t know who I am anymore, but I hate this person. I’ve become insecure, depressed, overly anxious about everything, and extremely self-conscious. I have a bad temper when provoked. These are things that were always in me but lately they are all I see and feel.
Most of the problems in my life are caused by me, and I don’t know how to change things.
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