***DISCLAIMER – this post is my personal bitch session. If you don’t want to hear me bitch, then do not read this. The frequent use of the word “piss” in all forms is used below. This is my journal and I reserve the right to vent about things that occur in my life. Don’t feel obligated to comment if you read this but you are welcome to if you want.
:::: Taking deepest breath possible with smokers’ lungs ::::
Wife and I aren’t getting along very well. Mostly when we argue it’s because I’m in a bad mood about something boy does and I end up in a bad mood for the rest of the day and take it out on her rather than keeping it to myself (which is really the only other option I have).
Me and Boy clash pretty bad, on a regular basis. He’s really quick to take a snotty and disrespectful tone with me and that just gets me so burned up. Hell, I would do it too (I still can’t stand my step-mother with a PASSION). I’m still the new guy in Boy’s life, probably always will be since I don’t have the life-long history that he has with other adults around him. Who am I to him, really? I’ve got no legal say.
Wife doesn’t react nearly the way I do about things. I know she’s had to deal with Boy’s behavior much longer than me and I know she is just tired of the same conversations and same punishments and same crap he dishes out. She’d rather let something go than upset the entire house by getting angry. I understand it and in a way I can appreciate it. As an outsider coming in, I can see things that maybe she’s too used to seeing that she doesn’t see anymore and I think more times than not, his punishments don’t stick and he gets off really easy. I don’t see how he’ll ever learn that way.
There is a pattern with Boy and one thing one thing that doesn’t change is that as soon, and I mean the second you stop talking to Boy about whatever “crime” he’s commited, he forgets all about what he did. You can ground him to his room and five minutes later he’s coming out to ask a random question about something. I don’t believe he’s ever remorseful.
I can’t seem to figure out how to enjoy being around someone who can’t for the life of him handle the smallest of household chores without someone holding his hand and walking him through it, who talks back at every opportunity he gets, and who no matter how many times he’s given a rule, breaks it within a few hours time. Lately, Boy has been stealing. He’s stolen and gotten caught 4 times this month including some poor kid’s sneakers at school for which now he’s suspended for 5 days. How f%cked up is having to lock the door to your bedroom because you don’t want your own family member going through your room and taking sh!t when he’s home alone. Let’s just say that right now, all bedrooms that aren’t his are locked. I have issue with that.
Wife and I have had conversations about me trying to let the smaller things go, and not make a huge deal out of them because then getting in trouble for the things that really matter is ineffective. The smaller things include stuff like article of boy hanging around all over the living room, not getting mad when he doesn’t take out the trash, and things like that. I am supposed to remind him patiently since he apparently can’t remember on his own (which I really think is BS.. I truly think he doesn’t care). I get pissed because there’s garbage overflowing onto the kitchen floor because he’s walked by the can 15 times and hasn’t taken it out, not to mention added more to the heap and it still didn’t occur to him to take it out. It’s his one and only daily responsibility besides his homework. I remind him and he says ok, then walks away to do something else real quick and forgets all about the garbage. Now I am reminding him a second time and now I am annoyed. Then he says something like “I was coming to do that” or “I heeeeeard you, gawwwd” which pisses me off. Then he continues to take out the trash while leaving half the stuff that had fallen on the floor, on the floor and then going back to whatever he was doing prior. I get pissed that he doesn’t do it, then I get more pissed that he does it half -assed. Needless-to-say, I have a hard time not getting upset when these things happen. It’s like I lose my patience. I really don’t know how not to. I don’t think a 14 year old should have to be treated like a baby.
The latest scenario is that we have a house that has a full bath and a half bath. The half bath has been deemed Boy’s bathroom, because since he uses it more, it’s become a boys bathroom. Boys do things like: forget to flush their nasty load, miss the bowl when they p!ss and so on. I’ve never seen girl or Wife use the half bath (unless maybe it’s freshly clean). I have been brave and have used it when the other one was occupied, but the last time (Boy was taking a shower) I did that I stepped in piss. Barefoot. Decided right then that I would not be using that bathroom again.
Boy doesn’t shower all the time. Not a big deal, alot of boys his age don’t. But when he does he’s in there a long time -longer than any female in the house. He uses every drop of hot water, at least 20 minutes and that’s a long time to have to hold it. So, I asked Boy that day if when he’s about to take a shower he can let us know incase we need to use the bathroom first. I asked him – (didn’t yell – I asked), but I did let him know that I stepped in his piss and that he needed to keep his bathroom clean. He said OK. This was a few days ago.
So last night, while watching the biggest loser (2 hours long) I drank 3 glasses of lemonade. About 15 minutes before it finished I realized I needed to piss- bad. I decided I’d hold it till the show ended and don’t you know, as the show is ending, the shower turns on. I got pissed because there wasn’t any toilet paper in Boy’s bathroom which was actually clean, and we had none in the closet so using his wasn’t an option for me. I was angry because he didn’t let anyone know he was going in the shower so I knocked and yelled through the door that I had to get in there real quick and asked what happened to letting us know. If I didn’t have to go that bad, I could have held out, but when you gotta go you gotta go.
Then a fight broke out with me and Wife who thinks that my request for him to make us aware when he’s about to lock down our bathroom for 20-30 min. is unreasonable and stupid. Also accusing me of “suddenly having to piss while boy in the shower just so I can have a reason to yell at him” I thinks that’s unfair. I’ve tried to use his bathroom. I can’t plan for when the urge to piss comes on. It may suck that he’s the only one that should have to ask, but he’s the only male in the house. Wife and Girl are welcome to come in and pee while I’m in the shower and I have numerous times, had to go while Wife was showering, and did. I’m certainly not going to go in and piss while Boy is in there. I extend my argument further by mentioning that we HAVE another bathroom and this wouldn’t be an issue if boy would keep it clean and stop pissing on the floor and the walls.
So Wife and I got into it pretty bad. I don’t see us talking for a couple of days after last night’s fiasco.
I’m doubting my ability to be a step-parent. We argue so often – too much – about my inability to deal with Boy. I hate that and I want it to stop, what’s worse is that I have no idea how I’m supposed to do it. I can’t be phoney and pretend I’m not bothered then smile and give Boy a hug. I don’t know how to deal with the disrespect. I don’t feel I can trust him – with anything.
I’m completely at a loss.
Please comment if you are a step-parent and have
had a similar experience. I could use some advice before I lose my f%cking mind and my family.
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